Coalescent
by Almandine-Azaleea
Summary: Not quite one, not quite the other; Inuyasha has quite a dilemma.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha nor do I make any monetary profit from the publishing of this story.**

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**Coalescent  
**

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_She_ is gone. He knows that. _She_ is not coming back. He knows that too.

He also knows that now he has no more reason to see, to think, to dream of anyone else at all. He knows all that.

In the pearly glow of dusk her haori and hakama seem to glow. She seems to glow.

He closes his eyes and smiles. He loves her. That he is certain of.

That he loved her predecessor, of that he is also certain.

That one is not somehow part of the other, of that sometimes he cannot but be doubtful.

Sometimes she will be smiling _just so_, that his treacherous mouth, spurred on by his foolish heart, wants to call the other's name.

Occasional glances, odd little touches not quite one and not quite the other.

Sometimes her voice dips just enough for him to hear nuances of another's tone it it. _Kikyo!_

And more than once has he bitten his own tongue in the throes of making love so as not to betray himself. Or her.

"Inuyasha!" She calls to him so sweetly, so undeniably _unlike _the other.

He walks to her and sinks into her arms.

He wants to lie there, forever – trapped in a haze where he doesn't have to think of priestesses and girls travelling through wells.

The sense of betrayal stings his heart once more.

"Kagome…" He murmurs hoping that the mere sound of her name will somehow erase his treachery. It does not.

"Everything alright?" She asks and the love shining in her voice is nearly enough to make him want to drop to his knees and beg for her mercy.

"S' fine. Long day. Made ya a fire…I smell frost on its way."

"Thank you." She kisses his cheek tenderly before pulling away. "Come. I think we both need to rest." Her fingers twine around his.

He lets himself be pulled to the little hut, head bowed and heart tearing all the way.

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She sees him, in the cold mornings, the mellow afternoons; something is bothering him.

Every now and then she'll awaken to odd little mewls, pleas – she knows not what for.

His eyes, though bright with love for her, are somewhat muted, sombre; and he, in turn, is more restrained.

She worries and worries, and blames their long separation, and then the seasons for his sudden change in character. It does not help.

He smiles sometimes, and it's nowhere near what it used to be; more oft of late he gazes off into some world she has no access to; and sometimes, she has the distinct feeling he is looking through her.

Thoughts begin to plague her, turning to the obvious. He misses _her._ Kikyo. She's hardly surprised. Moreover, with the added similarity of choosing the path of a priestess she can understand his recent musings. Almost. She resigns herself to this.

He will not bring it up, and this is nothing she, herself, can begin talking about.

Inuyasha, in all his consideration for her, would no longer dare to even breathe the other woman's name. That saddens her.

She thinks to herself that she _would_ listen.

A little hurt on her own behalf for healing one of _his_ deepest wounds.

It hardly seems like something unreasonable. To him it is.

She tries to be more tender, to let him know through soft touches and kisses that he is not alone, and he need not fear her.

The message is lost somewhere between the hot futon and the icy dawn.

However, it is not until she feels him holding back – feels him holding back from calling the other's name in the middle of their lovemaking, feels his warm tears soaking the pillow long after he has fallen asleep that she understands how much he has been withholding.

Feeling for his pain, ashamed at her own blindness, she pulls him close and whispers apologies in his ear. He does not wake. Under the heavy drape of darkness she lets her tears fall, mourning for them both.

When at last the tears cease, she feels lighter. Her husband's breathing sussurrates in her ear and she tightens her hold on him. Shards of memories float disjointed through her head. Four years since their meeting, she realizes she still holds the fear of being a replacement and berates herself for it.

Step by step she revises all the fragments of their travels, and one suddenly glints out.

"I am not Kikyo." She had said. "But, both Kikyo and I had something in common our desire to see you."

All thoughts come to a grinding halt.

What if she had gotten it completely wrong all those years ago?

It made sense. The more she thought about it, the more it fit.

Content with her conclusion she finally let sleep overtake her.

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When he awoke the sun was uncommonly high, and Kagome wasn't there. Slightly panicked, not sensing her near, he dressed and ran out. Kagome being a priestess, it was not unusual that she would have been called to assist someone in a way or another early in the day; even so, he wanted to make sure.

He followed her trail to the well – she was sitting on the ledge, staring down into the depths, the pails forgotten on the grass.

There was a certain something in her expression that made her look so much like the other – so much melancholy, a calm acceptance of sadness. She wasn't smiling, but she didn't seem upset. Her new-found tranquillity shook him. Kagome was vibrant and alive, not silent and meditative.

"Kagome…" He called after he'd made sure he wouldn't speak out the wrong name.

She turned and the most brilliant grin exploded on her face.

"Inuyasha."

He came closer and extended his hand. She took it gracefully and wrapped herself in his arms.

"No more." She spoke so softly he nearly didn't hear her. "No more." She raised her head and caught his gaze.

"No more what…?" He was confused.

"No more pain." She kissed his cheek. "No more pain for_ you_, Inuyasha." Lacing her fingers with his, she gave him a more demure smile.

"Kagome…?"

She motioned for him to sit down, and knelt to face him.

"Kikyo."

He choked.

"I know about Kikyo…I know you've been hiding."

He opened his mouth, but she pressed her fingers to his lips.

"I'm not angry. And I _do_ understand. I understand you loved her, and I understand part of you always will."

He looked stunned then lowered his eyes.

"You never had time to grieve for her; you've never had the chance to truly stop loving her, and the funny thing is, you can't."

"I'm sorry."

He felt like scum. All this pining, even with his love for Kagome. It shamed him more than he could admit.

"Don't be sorry." She put her hand under his chin and drew his face up; then catching his gaze she continued: "I once told you I'm not her…but…I think I was mistaken." His eyes widened. "You see, Kikyo's existence – her soul – was the incomplete reincarnation of Midoriko's soul; and I, the full reincarnation. When Kikyo passed on, that part returned to me, and I realized…no…I_ felt_ her calling out to you. Her love for you merging with my love for you, her dreams with my dreams, and, as of late, her memories with my memories."

He was beyond stunned.

"So, what I'm trying to say…is…don't feel guilty for loving Kikyo, because we are part of one whole. And, as I love your demon and your human side merged as your half-demon; then you loving Kikyo is only reciprocating to my feelings for you."

"So…?"

"I am not Kikyo, but Kikyo – the Kikyo you love, is one part of all of me. It's alright for you to think of her, to want her, to love her; because you feel all that for the rest of me as well."

He could only stare in shock at her conclusion.

"Thank you." His voice shook more than he would have liked.

"No...I..._we_ thank you. Your love for her, for _us_ re-joined our souls."

He bit his lip, nearly overwhelmed by the emotions she was stirring in him.

"I am yours. Yours _alone_." He really needed her to understand. He needed her to _know._

With utmost care he pulled her into a kiss:

"Thank you, Ka-go-me." She giggled and he tightened his hold on her.

"Itoshii…." She whispered and the old beads around his neck glowed purple.

He hid his face in her hair and shut his eyes tightly praying tears wouldn't fall. But they did, and she cried too; but it was alright, because she – _they_ – were his, and he was theirs, and that was how it should be.

_Itoshii..._

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**Author's Note: _Itoshii_ means beloved and it was the word Kikyo intended to use to subdue Inuyasha when she made the bead necklace.**

**The idea is, Kikyo isn't really dead. She is gone, but she is a part of Kagome...which is quite an interesting concept to deal with for our emotionally-befuddled hanyou. **

**I do hope you all enjoy this. :3**

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